Rest Peacefully
Do you ever sit back and replay everything there is to do in a month of Sundays and realize there aren’t enough Sunday’s in the month to get them done? Ideally we want to rest the way we see our kids or our spouse rest, but we know that somebody has to do XYZ or no one’s going to do it. Half the time, that someone is you (and me). We get the idea that we can’t put things off, or if you’re a semi perfectionist things have to be done a certain way in a certain manner or else the world pretty much ends.
During times like this, I’m never living in the moment. I’m living to figure out what’s next or what else I can make better or do right now. This causes me to miss out on so much and I allow myself to be pushed to the point that I’m not able to enjoy the things or the people God blessed me with. I always found it funny that the doctors would tell me to rest when baby rests. I didn’t listen during our first two children. I did everything that I felt needed to be done in the short hours they spent napping. It always seemed like the moment I caught my groove they felt that in their spirit and woke up to let me know they needed me instead of the dishes or the bathrooms or the dinner that needed to be cooked.
Photo by Andrae Ricketts on Unsplash
How about if you’re a nursing or pumping mom? Haha if you’re anything like me, your sessions had to come in between them sleeping or they just won’t get done and you’re left with boulders for breasts.
Photo by Eibner Saliba on Unsplash
Then, our third little one came into the picture, and when the doctor mentioned the rest while baby was sleeping lingo, I assured her I didn’t do it the first two times, but I plan to try this time. Hard headed and stuck in my ways, I didn’t rest. I continued on and on with cleaning and cooking or just up because I couldn’t sleep. Then, before I knew it, everyday was passing me by, and the few hours our new baby and I were home turned into seconds until our oldest children came home. Two toddlers, one newborn, and a hungry husband. Can you imagine my home right now? Chaos. Beautiful chaos. But still, chaos.
Photo by Trust "Tru" Katsande on Unsplash
So there I was, finding myself drifting off as the children were talking to me, or as my husband listed all the things that happened in his day. Just tired because of the life I helped bring in this world. I didn’t pin point my tiredness until I actually broke down crying. Tears fell down my face. Why? Because I was tired. Tired of being stuck in the house healing. Tired of being the one having to care for our newborn and provide every need she had. Tired because I was trying to be the best mom I could be by pumping and breastfeeding on demand. Making sure I never had to supplement for her. Then it hit me.
Photo by Vale Zmeykov on Unsplash
Postpartum was creeping in like a thief. At my follow up visits I was scared of people looking at me. At the grocery stores I would stare straight ahead so I didn’t have to greet anyone. Driving, I felt nervous and afraid. At any moment someone could just say hi to me and I was guaranteed to burst out into tears. I didn’t recognize this woman. I had to get back to myself and I had to do it fast. I stopped pumping every 2-3 hours and slowed my schedule down. Eventually this caused me to lose my supply, and I told myself, you can start pumping like a mad woman, or you can just be okay with the milk that science created to help women like me, and women who may not have the same story as me, but their own story is equally important and commendable for the decision to feed their child what they knew would help them.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
So after breaking down and calling myself the worst mom ever for making such a decision, I did it. I stopped pumping. I stopped supplying milk and it felt AMAZING to sleep through the night without an alarm waking me up demanding me to pump for our baby. Postpartum didn’t stop there, but my rest started there. I’m not saying stop breastfeeding or providing the nourishment for your baby. What I will say is find areas where you’re doing things grudgingly or to meet an unrealistic expectation. I say this because I personally felt there was something I had to prove with breastfeeding all three of my children. There wasn’t. So, whatever you feel like you may be doing because it’s society’s MsConception or unrealistic expectation of you, just stop and think, am I really resting peacefully in my choices and my decisions? Peace. Love. Blessings.
