Furloughed- a temporary leave from work that is not paid and is often for a set period of time. I put the definition because I for one didn’t know what furloughed meant in its entirety. So, when I received the information from my employer of course I looked it up. Millennial. I never worked through an economic hardship, or had a clear understanding of the impact it could cause. As I mentioned in my blog, Whatever it Takes, I was in the process of getting to know me again and this new found career was a stepping stone to getting to know Chellvie again.

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

I mean surely my workplace has pros and cons like every other workplace, but it’s my career for now, and it’s helping me learn technical skills to help grow my professional development. May 14th will mark my two year anniversary with my company, and here I am sitting wondering what’s next. My uncertainty stemmed from an email that was sent to thousands of my colleagues and I, on April 15th confirming that we were being temporarily laid off for the next two weeks, and to take advantage of the unemployment benefits being offered. A similar reality shared amongst so many Americans and citizens of other countries around the world had just hit home, my home.

I read that email with fire in my eyes and tears running down my face. Asking how could this happen? Blaming myself for bringing my family here to work for this company to only be tossed away without any second guesses. My heart and mind went to the most negative thoughts of a temporary layoff turning into a separation from the company if the economy doesn’t leverage soon. Thoughts of why I would be one of the first to get butchered and reasons to why they should let me go played through my head. Then it hit me, how unhappy will I truly be if I was let go? I mean, am I 100% happy with my job, or was I looking at this as a loss because the furlough wasn’t on my own terms, but rather due to the pandemic. The truth is, I have mixed emotions regarding the furlough. I was afraid of being jobless and not being able to pay bills that seem so endless. The thoughts of not living up to the degree I worked oh so hard to receive made me feel like a failure. After all, moving to Indiana was a dream come true for my husband and I. We came here for a date one year, and loved it. What we didn’t know was that years later it would be the place we would call home. So here I am, reflecting and regretting trying to piece should’ve would’ve couldves together one by one.

Then I realized that I was allowing myself to be so deeply rooted in the position that it took control over me. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, my attitude was all over the place after receiving the furlough letter. The lack of control that I was experiencing over my life showed me how little control we actually have in this world. My turning point came from realizing, if I’m going to lose my job, I’m going to lose it anyway. That’s out of my control, but what I have control over, is how I manifested my time. What was I doing differently that could help me get to the root of who I need to be as opposed to who I thought this job made me? Furloughed, let go, laid off, fired, whatever term you want to use, the truth is, you’re only disposable if you allow yourself to feel that way. Don’t allow a job or career to define your total being. Love what you do, but don’t allow it to overturn your morals, and your love for yourself. Women fight hard to make an image for themselves in the workplace, and let's face it, it’s because we’ve had to prove ourselves time and time again. The article, “Do women have to do more than men to prove themselves in the workplace?” Is great proof of this. I don’t know about you but I’m done pushing the agenda of appearing to be strong for a position. I am strong because I am a woman who was made for a time such as this. Peace. Love. Blessings.

Furloughed

Rest Peacefully

MsConceptions